Replace Resentment With Forgiveness - For YOUR Benefit
If you ve had to deal with a strong-willed, out of control teenager for several years now, you are probably stressed-out, and a big part of the stress may be due to some resentment you could be harboring toward your teen. How do we, as parents, let go of resentment? We forgive. How do we forgive? Here s how:
In order to let go of resentment, we must first forgive!
==> Forgiveness:
Is a way to let go of resentment?
Means letting go of the past.
Is for you, not the out-of-control teen you forgive.
Is a gift you give yourself?
Lets you get on with your life.
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Is a process? It doesn t happen 100% overnight.
Allow you to feel better about you.
Is a choice? It s not something you do because you should forgive, or because someone tells you to.
Allows you to heal old wounds so you can get on with the really important things in life.
Gets you un-stuck.
==> Forgiveness does NOT mean:
Forgetting. You need to remember what happened so you can protect yourself.
You re letting
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You have to tell the out-of-control teen that you have forgiven him/her.
You have to trust your out-of-control teen again. Trust is earned. He/she will have to earn your trust back before you can trust him/her again.
You re saying to the out-of-control teen, How you treat me is “OK.”
You re trying to alleviate his/her feelings of guilt.
You re trying to make that out-of-control teen feel better about himself/herself.
You re trying to make the out-of-control teen feel better about you.
You may need to forgive yourself too. Sometimes we can t forgive others until we
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I offer you this exercise in forgiveness. With your hand on your heart, take a deep breath and affirm:
I completely forgive my child. I know I ve done the best I could given the circumstances. If I was in a different state of mind, or if I had more information, I may have parented differently I ask God to help me reach the place of forgiveness for myself and for my child. I love and accept myself with all of my problems and perceived limitations. Resentment is adding to my stress. I am now able to replace it with forgiveness and hope.
Mark Huttenlocker, M.A., is a family therapist who works with teens
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